A Therapy Center for Autistic Girls & Women
She Rocks the Spectrum
Questions for Couples
Whether you're a new couple or you've been together for years, a good question reopens the door to curiosity. This worksheet pulls together conversation starters grouped by theme — so you can pick the area you most want to explore.
How to use this: Don't try to answer all of them. Pick a theme. Trade a few questions back and forth. For neurodiverse couples, it often helps to share the questions in advance so the answering partner has processing time — and to answer in writing if that's easier than on the spot.
Getting to Know Each Other
Pick three that pull at you, and trade answers.
- When are you the most 'you'?
- What has been a recurring theme in your life?
- What brings meaning to your life?
- What's something you wish you could say to people but can't?
- What were the healthiest and unhealthiest periods of your life?
- What part of you as a person still needs a lot of work?
- What three words best describe you?
- What brings you the most joy?
- What are you purposefully ignoring even though you know you should deal with it?
Family & Childhood
Where your partner came from helps you understand who they are now.
- What small, seemingly insignificant thing did a parent say that has stuck with you all this time?
- What is the best or worst thing you inherited from your parents?
- What made you realize your parents were human like everyone else?
- What habits do you still have from childhood?
- How do you want to be different from your parents — and how do you want to be similar?
- What are some of your earliest memories?
About Our Relationship
Approach these without judgment — it's about building together, not keeping score.
- What's our greatest strength as a couple?
- What is something small we could do daily for each other to make our lives better?
- How much alone time should partners give each other?
- What do I do that makes you the happiest?
- What do you think would bring us closer together?
- What's your favorite way we spend time together?
- How well do you think we communicate?
- What does a happy and healthy relationship look like to you?
About Sex & Intimacy
Only go here if both partners are willing. Pair this with our Yes/No/Maybe Inventory if you want more structure.
- How well do you think our sex drives match up?
- How important do you think sex is in our relationship?
- What do I do outside the bedroom that turns you on?
- When am I at my sexiest?
- What would you like me to do to spice things up?
- Besides orgasms, what's the best part of sex for you?
About Kids & the Future
- Do you eventually want children? How many, and why?
- What's the best way to raise children?
- How would we know if we did our job as parents well?
- Should a couple with kids focus more on the kids or on each other? Why?
- How do you think having kids will change (or has changed) our relationship?
Build Your Own
The best questions are often the ones you most want to ask. Write three of your own here.
A question I want to ask my partner:
______________________________________________
Another:
______________________________________________
And one more:
______________________________________________
Which question opened up the most? What did you learn that you didn't know?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Source: This worksheet draws on the question bank at conversationstartersworld.com. The grouping, framing, neurodiverse guidance, and exercises here are our own; the original list is far longer if you want more.
A gentle note: This worksheet is a learning tool, not treatment. If your relationship currently includes abuse, ongoing harm, or active crisis, please work with a qualified couples therapist instead.