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Sharing Space

Sharing a home is harder when the things you need — quiet, predictability, a certain way of doing things — are invisible to the people you live with, and even to you until they're violated. Naming your needs isn't being high-maintenance. It's the only way the people around you can actually work with them instead of tripping over them.

What I need at home

What helps you feel settled in a shared space? Tick and add.

  • [ ] Quiet / low-noise times or zones
  • [ ] A heads-up before changes, guests, or plans
  • [ ] A space (even small) that's just mine and undisturbed
  • [ ] Control over some sensory things (lights, smells, TV volume)
  • [ ] Reliable alone-time to recharge

Other things I need to feel okay at home

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Where the friction is

Name the recurring snags — the stuff that keeps causing tension or quietly draining you.

The recurring friction points for me

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Non-negotiable vs flexible

Sorting this in advance makes conversations calmer and fairer — you know where you can bend.

Sort my needs

Genuinely non-negotiable for me

  • Which needs: ____________________

I can be flexible on

  • Which needs: ____________________

Ask for an agreement

Aim for a shared agreement, not a demand. Name the need, suggest something concrete, leave room for theirs.

Example: 'I get really fried by noise in the evenings — could we keep shared areas quieter after 9, and I'll use headphones in the day so I'm not asking you to tiptoe all the time?'

My ask, in my own words

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Pick your battles

What's worth raising vs letting go for now

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Needs aren't demands: Telling people what you need gives them a chance to help. Most friction in shared homes comes from needs nobody named — not from people unwilling to meet them.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

  • Building Your Personal Regulation Toolkit, from The Neurodivergent Brain. The capstone: build a personal regulation plan around your wiring — name your state, match tools to it, catch overload early, design your space.
  • Communication Across Neurotypes, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why autistic and non-autistic people misunderstand each other: the double empathy problem, direct vs indirect styles, and cross-neurotype repair.
  • Sensory Needs in a Shared Life, from The Neurodiverse Couple. One home, two nervous systems: how sensory differences play out, and designing a home both can live in.
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